would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
