capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize