My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
