You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
time to smoke my breakfast
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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