Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
