i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
