...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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