We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Houston, we have a squirter
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
