I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
