Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
