how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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