Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you didnt know i had herpes?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
