I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I am one with the molecules
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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