With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize