that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I could fuck to npr.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize