I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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