I smell stomach acid.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
