Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
