can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
