If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
