i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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