So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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