we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
