i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's blow job season.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
