I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
