fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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