Kiss
Puke
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
