This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
