Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
