I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
