How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
