is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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