The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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