The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
