I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
