The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
