Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize