So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
