1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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