By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
