While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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