Nicole vs. Life
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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