i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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