Are we in a gay sports bar?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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