K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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