trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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