um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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