Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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