im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
