I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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