I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize