You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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