the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
