I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
