just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
