Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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