i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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