my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
