I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize