Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
