Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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