she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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