i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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