please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
