I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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