So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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