Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
