I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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