I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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