Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
