I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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