I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
