We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
