my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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