That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize