I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
