question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
