I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize