someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
