hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
