she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
