so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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