We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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