The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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