Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize