BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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