Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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