Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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