Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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