My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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