Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize