It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
