I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
