His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Watching her eat just hurts me
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
