I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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