it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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