one two three fourrrrnication!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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