Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
